My shirt says, "I love Anne." Your shirt says,
"He's the best I could do..." No, I don't have
a problem. Sorry about your luck.
The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.
"How was work, dear?" his wife asks.
"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.
"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.
"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you?
Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?"
At this moment, the wolf man started growling and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.
Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."
A customer was really hassling an airline agent at the ticket counter — yelling and using foul language. However, the agent was polite, pleasant and smiled while the customer continued to abuse her.
When the man finally left, the next person in line said to the agent, “Does that happen often? I can’t believe how nice you were to him.”
The agent smiled and said, “No problem, I took care of it. He’s going to Detroit. His bags are going to Bangkok.”
A woman sees a lawyer about a divorce.
He asks, Any grounds?
Woman: Yeah, about 2 acres.
Lawyer: Do you have a grudge?
Woman: No, we have a carport.
Lawyer: Does your husband beat you up in the morning?
Woman: No, I get up before him.
Agitated lawyer: Well, do you or don’t you want a divorce?
Woman: No, my husband wants it… he claims he can’t communicate with me!
The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office and his staff was helping transport many of the items.
I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town.
At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious and I looked across and explained, "I'm taking him to my doctor's office."
The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you this, lady" he said, "but I think it's too late!"
Unable to resist, I replied, "Are you sure? He never complains..."
One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate.
The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.
Suspecting a boyfriend did it, an officer was sent to her house to investigate.
He returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his Captain asked.
"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."
I was a percussion major when I was in college. There were four of us girls in the percussion section.
During one rehearsal of the student orchestra, my section kept making mistakes. We had a hard time following the conductor's lead.
"When you're too dumb to play anything," the professor conducting us sneered, "They give you a couple of sticks, put you in the back and call you a percussionist."
One of the girls was almost in tears and replied, "And if you're too dumb to hang on to both sticks, they take one away, put you in the front and call you a conductor."
A tom cat and a tabby were courting on a back fence one night.
The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred, “I’d die for you!”
The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, “How many times?”
Have a great day!