How the Government Works

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.


Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.


Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.


Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.


Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.


Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."


So they laid off the night watchman.




Yesterday, University scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.


Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.


To test the theory, 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1)Talked excessively without making sense.
2)Became overly emotional.
3)Couldn't drive.
4)Failed to think rationally.
5)Argued over nothing.

No further testing was considered necessary.

[This was one of those "Should I? or Shouldn't I?" :-))]




An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when his wife wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."


The farmer scratched his grizzled head.


"Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."


Silence is Golden


A mother and daughter were riding in a cab though New York City daughter noticed some scantily clad women loitering on a street "Mommy," the little girl asked, "what are all those ladies doing?"


"They're waiting for their husbands to come home from work." the mother answered.


"C'mon lady, they're hookers!" retorted the cab driver.


After a stunned silence, the daughter asked, "Mommy, do hookers have children?"


"Of course," the mother replied, "where do you think cabbies come from?"




A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.


He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."


"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim." If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."


On the way home, the husband asked his wife.


"What did the doctor say?"


"You're going to die," she replied.


"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to
think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read,
and all the friends I want to see."  -John Burroughs


Have a great day!



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